im lonely!

yesterday, i went to an art event at my college. i enjoyed it a lot, however i was struck with a deep sense of melancholy after i left. there were so many groups of people, mainly art students, chatting amongst each other and laughing together. i couldnt help but feel envious. i want to have a friend group like that in real life. i want friends who understand me, who listen to what i have to say, who don't only keep me around out of pity and actually see me as a part of their group. i never once have gotten to experience that, and its all i really want. it doesnt even have to be a group, i would be content with having one real friend. a best friend.

im tired of relying on men online for validation. they dont truly care about me or find me interesting, they just want to get in my panties. i had one final bad experience with a man online recently and it broke me. he used me like his personal slave, and attempted to use the vulnerable state i was in to mold me to his liking. i feel sick to my stomach even thinking about that man. i cant believe i was that gullible. i am never, ever allowing men like that to contact me again. ive been far too kind to them. they dont deserve me.

i wish on every star in the sky to have a true friend someday. i hope it will come true.